my bro is a real hooker
ok, so i was recently daydreaming about a threesome with Shannyn Sossamon and my buddies girlfriend, when my douchebag brother Stephen decided it would be appropriate to come into my room and make commentary on everything i have in there.
anyways, i remember watching TLC once and this woman kept smelling burnt toast before having a seizure, so they chopped open her head and poked her brain and had numbers all over the different lobes, and they poked #27, and she smelled burnt toast, so they cut that chunk out, and voila. no more seizures.
this story is going somewhere, relax hippie; at work i smelled cinnamon buns, so i went to the kitchen and ate one.
so im having a discussion about nipples, and it was confirmed by a few people that mine are non-existent.
they are buried under my chest hair, but aside from that, they are just really really small, like little swedish berries, or better yet, braille.
im pretty sure blind people could read a story of my manly pecs, finding the nipple hiding at the centre, its like a sexy furry maze.
the genius part is, is that there’s no prize at the end of the tunnel… disappointment at its best.
like when you wake up some mornings and your mom is making coffee, and you’re eating toaster strudel and you see a guy who isn’t your dad come in and score with your mom in front of you, and then mess up your hair, and say “stay in school kid, you dont wanna end up like me” and i thought to myself… why wouldn’t i wanna be a degenerate jackass who plows random people’s moms and ruins childhoods. THAT could be me!
funny story, i was at the bar and this girl was showing her camera phone pictures to people, and one of them was of her, with a huge smile on her face, and a wine bottle in her vagina, and a bottle of beer in her ass.
see, its kinda weird, but what made it funny to me, was that it was a bottle of red chardonnay, and a bottle of budweiser.
from this i concluded, that not only is she a silly dumb whore, but she has shitty taste in booze when making herself into a liquor cabinet.
ps. if you’re this girl, and you read this… message me.
just watched superman returns, and it just occurred to me that superman’s kid is being raised by some guy that isn’t him.
i wonder, is lois lane gonna make superman pay child support?