so i was waxing my back and ass earlier today with a roll of duct tape i found. it was going ok till my dad walked in just in time to see my bent over with my hands between my thighs with a strip of tape from top of ass crack to my balls.
he asked a question but it wasn’t directed to me, it was more rhetoric since it was along the lines of “uh… what the hell?” to which i said “oh… sorry, i didn’t see you standing there while i waxed my hoop with the door open in broad daylight, whats up?.” he then punched me in the eye and left.
the pain wasn’t so much phsyical as it was emotional, and we all know emotions last a lifetime.
i could tell by his scowl of disgust he wasn’t pleased, but i shrugged off his displeasure similar to how when you’re at a club with your friends and a cave troll walks up to you and drunkenly says “woahhh, hey there, you wanna dance?” and you’re all like “holy christ, a talking lawn gnome, this is awesome” and you wave your friends over to gather around the spectacle of magical magic taking place before you.
seriously things like this don’t happen often, so feel blessed when they do.
the incident with my dad sounds lame but see, you’d think this was bad… but tearing the strip of tape off my asshole.. THAT was bad.
i needed chap stick after.
it occurred to me that there really aren’t many things more embarassing than being caught in a compromising position by your parents.
i mean, if i was jerking off… would that have been so bad? im sure my dad would understand. he’s a dude, and has balls and all.
its one of those things men do.
so back to my story.
my back now has racing stripes down it (to make me more aerodynamic when i run/swim/high dive into a pit of babes, etc.
and my ass… well, after polishing it, you can practically see yourself in it. but don’t stare too hard… it’ll wink at ya.
so, i guess im damaged goods now. if this were a grocery strore, i’d be half off. think about it.
anyways, all this
so you know when you’re at the casino with dave and you see a real life gremlin walk by and you’re like “hey dave… is it halloween already?” but its a bit TOO loud and her old assed bones creak and groan as she hobbles towards you to skull fuck you with her cane?
me neither, cuz that last part didn’t happen suckers, but seriously, this broad had leprosy and was falling apart from the face down. it was like her cheeks didn’t like her anymore and were trying to run away by sagging as much as possible.
i was 90% sure was made of papier maché cuz she looked disgusting. that doesn’t make sense, but picture it in your head. if you can keep from throwing up, you’ll understand my point.
here’s a joke:
whats the difference between katie holmes’ eye and your mom.
they’re both lazy, but your mom’s a whore!
the end.