dear leona lewis,

since you will undoubtedly read this, i want to make marriage to you, possibly some kids. your green eyes and skin as smooth as creamery butter make all the warning signs and buzzers in my head go off and chime like a church bell during priest fun hour.

when i hear your song on the radio or on my computer cuz i downloaded it rather than buy the album since i didn’t really want to support your record company, and i know that the money spent on the album would ultimately be ours anyways (due to the marriage) it seems redundant.

in her song she states that she doesn’t care what they say, she’s in love with me.  that means a lot.  i mean, im only one man.  i didn’t invent the wheel or build the eiffel tower (with muscle and brawn) but im able to pitch a pretty good tent.  i figure that counts for something.

you’re hot and have a voice that makes babies stop crying, and maybe prevent shitting themselves. to quote that old hag sleazeball madonaa, when you speak “its like angels sighing.” wow, does that not make your pants tighter? yeah, mine are.

also, i was watching a movie to which the name escapes me, but this one dude had a lazy eye and he was gawking all over the room like it was his job.

his broad was sitting there all hot and seemingly a bit bothered, but not by his eye, which was cavorting and flirtatiously staring at every woman in the room right in front of her, but it was something else. is this acceptable behaviour, since he cant really help where is lame eye is going? i think its pretty smart. you can check out multiple babes and piss off no one. genius.

im thinking maybe if i sleep with my contacts in for a few more days, the burning feeling will leave, and i’ll be left with an eyes that floats around in the socket and thus my goal has been attained.

they say its the little things in life that make the big difference, im very biased towards this, as a small thing like this could make me happier than i am currently. for years i’ve been trying to find new and innovative ways to help my fellow man ogle hot babes or just in general live life without feeling held back on account of them being repugnant or having one bushy eyebrow, or breath that resembles roadkill or a steaming pile of garbage thats been sitting in the sun for too long. leveling the playing field is fair. also, i do this for fun, and it entertains.

its like being at the grocery store and you see a midget reaching for something thats JUST out of reach. so you laugh a bit, then help out.

that can be all the difference between a shitty day, and a great day, as you’ve now made a new friend, and have a story to tell your friends, if you’ve got any cuz you’re a sick sick person with no morals.

uh, i need sleep.

bye diary.

ps. nice ass, can i be friends with it?

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