women
ok so i have a crush, her name is Anne Hathaway; gorgeous, funny, caring, rocking hot bod, the total package.
Since i feel so strongly about this, i decided to find her on the most useful person finder ever - facebook.
sadly, there’s about 400 girls pretending to be one.
so, i messaged them all, hoping for the best, so far… im still waiting, but im sure she’s just nervous about getting approached by a man with huge balls (refer to my religion) for the first time in a long time, as she’s recently on the market.
though, i stalk… i mean, discuss my feelings about anne with a bit of trepidation, as we’ve never met, and i can only base her personality and such as seen in her films, this is a young but nonetheless budding romance, soon to blossom into something more than i can describe, possibly some sex maybe a seafood dinner.
its the classic story of david and goliath, except in this case goliath is really a super hot babe who is famous, and david, is actually darryl.
really, the only similarities are that im awesome, and david is also a man.
i feel as though billy joel might have said it best as he described this unfurling love in that she is an uptown girl living in her uptown world and im a downtown man… thats what i am.
though, billy joe royal also has a case with his classic hit down in the boondocks. this is pretty much my lifestyle compared to the posh live of miss hathaway.
anyone see the devil wears prada? i didn’t either, but i hear some of the garbs she dons herself in cost more than my car. i’d have to believe this since my ride is worth about the same as a tank of gas. not bad huh?
anne - if you see this, i think we should mate. no, you didn’t just throw up in your mouth a lil, thats the taste of love.
so, my bimbo gal pal friend amy was telling me about the pride parade and discussed with me some pictures of gay mens and their nakedness.
seems old gay men have penis’ that look like fat croissants with anorexic wiener poking out the front. picture this.
not only will it make you NOT hungry (so you can become anorexic yourself) but you’ll feel better about being you, and not an old gay man with a crazy looking junk pile.
to conclude this note, i’ve added a contest, prize is dinner of your choice, on me.
unlike most contests, this one is open to residents of quebec despite the obvious handicap of being french.
all you have to do is figure out what the common theme here is, and also which my favourite part of this picture is.
simple. andddd go!
Ps. katy perry - i also kissed a girl, and i always like it, unless i don’t.
ok, im not gonna go into the history of women and all that business, but as most people know (its a scientific fact actually) that women have a tendency to need and more specifically want things that are generally ridiculous. point in case, flowers.
what is the need for flowers? sure, its the thought of getting something that matters most, so why not just say “i thought of getting you flowers… but didn’t” then expect a bj or something equally good, like breakfast, bacon included. am i selfish to think this is a bit extreme? guys don’t want or need flowers and trivial shit to make us happy. really, a beer, some wings and possibly a good sporting event is adequate.
anyways, back on track; flowers are stupid. you know they’re gonna die, but yet you still take care of them and feed them water and all that.
you know what, i have a modest proposal - you like taking care of things that are gonna die anyways, i may as well get you a terminally ill child.
think about it. its a thoughtful gift, you can care for it, and unlike a flower, you can interact and potentially bond… then one day, lil timmy doesn’t answer you and into the garbage he goes.
you know after a while you water those flowers and the petals start falling off and you’re like “uh oh… i know where this is headed.” yeah, same goes for when timmy is in the bath and you notice skin samples drifting away from his body as the leprosy really kicks it into 5th or even 6th gear, if he’s a really powerful case.
simple math here.
flowers + time = wilting and death.
timmy + time = refer to above.
there is no hidden variable, which is kind of sad, but beautifully tragic. almost poetic in a way. makes me wanna riverdance and shout out words that have meanings.
furthermore, i’d like to add that im not insensitive, im a realist. im more than willing to buy a girl flowers, i just haven’t yet cuz… well thats a separate issue we’ll deal with next time.
good night, and thanks for stopping by, but mostly stay classy.
i got punched in the mouth by some douchebag and was bleeding profusely, and this hot babe was all “oh my god are you ok?” so i was like, “duh, i just bled so you’d come talk to me…” she swooned.
really though, what happened was i picked up this broad at the bar the other night cuz i was in costume (as myself). i was drawn to her when she looked at me and guessed that i was dressed as the coolest guy alive.
anyone else see a correlation between the two?
me neither, but i’ve got one of each beside me and they are keeping me entertained.
so, last night on late night tv i saw this guy talking about how he wanted to mate with a stuffed moose, and potentially marry it.
now, at first i thought it was my high school english teacher, cuz his wife ran away on him cuz he was such a total pirate (for young man ass) but realistically, is that really such a bad idea?
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african lion safari style.
so i was re-enacting a scene from a show i was watching, similar to Discovery Channel’s animal planet, but it was a real-life teledrama, and this baby giraffe, just born, new to the world and wide eyed casually falls off a cliff. Lost and confused, it rights itself on shaky legs, ready to conquer the day, trying to avoid anymore set-backs when POW it gets rocked by a range rover going about 50.
you ever seen a giraffe fly? its pretty wild.
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